Not so blue Monday

It's Monday, and after a weekend that rushed by, because I didn't just hide out alone to try and eek the absolute most out of it (like the dude in catch22 who cultivates misery his whole life to make every moment feel like a lifetime) I woke up with that Monday ick. Like howww was it Monday so fast! But rather than start the race of panic, straight from bed, I decided to take a time out and just think of a load of lovely things to see if that helped and... surpise-surpise it did. So,  I thought I would share some nice things and maybe that'll encourage you to write a 'not so blue Monday' list of little blips of joy.
 
So here's a non conclusive list of a few things this month that have been anywhere from nice to great,
 
My hair, I'm growing my hair and although everyone says the grow out is hell, for 2 weeks I've liked how it looks and feels almost every day. And that makes me feel like I've kind of won which feels good.
 
On Friday after singing in my choir (big joy) I took myself for a little lunch (medium joy) with an amazing book Radical Intimacy. *Will share a link at the bottom, to buy it on Pluto Press (An independent publisher of radical, left‐wing non­‐fiction books). (Massive joy, because buying intentionally could actually change the world)
 
And then took myself to see the amazing exhibition of fat joy by Fernando Botero. Not only was the exhibition gloriou,  but the commitment to spend a little time with myself, for myself, made my whole insides feel all loved and squishy. And seeing the celebration of juicy humans on every wall made me want to get freer and more naked than ever! I mean, just look at THAT....!

This new 40 bit is so full of huge shifts in my life, after 15 years of really living for my kid and work and doing very little outside of those things,  I have a big new, bit scary, and a bit exciting, space in my life, and I am practicing filling it with things that remind me how beautiful my life is. I have been doing the artist's was thanks to the amazing podcast 'Help Hole' (link below too) and despite there being some iffy language in it, the concept and the tasks have really pushed me to do some new shit, some fun shit, some alone shit!
 
In other blips of joy, the sun came out today after a week of grey and rain, I started training with an incredible woman who has revolutionised how I feel about exersize and my body and encouraged me to do some things I was scared of but wanted to do so bad! So... yesterday I did a little workout on the callisthenics bars by the sea, the holy grail, that I made a whole story about it not being for me. Turns out it is for everyone, including me! 
Actually a lot of this new decade has been about looking at all these stories/rules I made up and deciding to do a re-do! Because if I made them up in the first place, well I can bloody well make up new ones. 
 
 
When I landed in London (what will be 10 years ago this June) it was sink or swim. And I decided I would kick my weary legs and swim and swim as hard as I possibly could. But this meant setting a lot of very stringent ground rules. This is the part of my life I am simultaneously most proud of and most ashamed about. Running on pure trauma, a coiled spring and often feeling completely out of control this was one of the toughest chapters of my little familes life. But I carried a little bubble a little tiny bud of hope that I could change this into something better, for me, for us, so I doubled down on the rules. I went to bed at 9pm sharp every night, didn't drink, had rigid timing for every thing, 12 minutes to shower, certain times and days to do laundry, fitted exactly between other tasks and study and school runs and super market shops and scheduled 'special time' where I would try and squeeze all the lost time, into shared happy moments with my kid,  it was fucking intense and exhausting, but it worked. It got us from that pit of shit, to this, right now, today, where I'm sat at my laptop in my peaceful apartment with the sun shining through the window writing lists of joy! she wouldn't believe this (if I showed her quickly before her 12 minute shower) that this is where it would take us!
 
But, letting go of that level of control over my life has been one of the hardest shifts I've ever made and one that I'm sure I will keep uncovering more of as I go. And one of the best antidotes to this is weaving some joyful shit into my weeks, and my days, and looking up at the oranges in the trees and not back at the dark stuff so much. 
 
So as I move towards what will be for me, a HUGE anniversary (in June) of the start of this new life, of safety and autonomy and the start of Manners. I am more determined than ever to sprinkle a load of joy all over my life and my work. I will skip more when I walk, I will keep practicing the keyboard, I will keep taking 5 mins in bed every morning to think about all the love and joy I have in my life, keep taking long untimed showers, enjoy the unplanned moments of connection with my kid, revel in seeing him happy with his friend's, eat slowly, practice my Spanish, take myself on more little dates and keep remembering to look up at the sky and the orange trees and the beautiful buildings because all the good shit is there, ahead of me, around me, above me, the behind me bit is done. 
 
I would love to know some little blips of joy of yours, so feel free to send them over!
 
Millions of love
Always
Sal xx
 
P.S don't forget to keep boycotting!
 
Here's the links I mentioned (I don't know how to make them pretty, and I don't care!)
 
Book https://www.plutobooks.com/9780745345161/radical-intimacy/  
 
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5Hk8NpAMBVAOp9TmfGhMRf?si=B1s4HWgxRo2TfLc_a8V0UA