Joy and sadness and changing my mind
Hi loves,
I am writing this from a rainy campsite in Spain with two hungry teens and the end of a cold, and a rare overwhelming sense of pride in myself as a parent, for managing to play games with them and feed them and do a bit of work and have a little time to myself and not get grumpy or stressed. (this has taken a LOT of practice, but after nearly 15 years I feel like I'm getting it pretty right more often than not). (the crappy pic quality is because there is a teen burning bacon just out of the shot and I'm sitting in a smokehouse)
This year has been a big year (she says every year) but really, this one has! It’s the last year of my thirties, I opened a whole shop (with a lot of help), was diagnosed with ADHD, my kid got really happy and settled for the first time in his lifetime of moving a lot, and my first (and hopefully last) total burnout/breakdown of my life. A cumulative storm of joy and grief and sadness and a deep desire to do things differently occurred so here I am making a first step at trusting myself and showing up in ways that are based on softness and change not success and completion. As you may or may not know I opened the first (and maybe last) Manners Shop in February.
I am by nature a tryer of things, someone who is not scared of the doing, but historically a bit scared of admitting failure. All my plans go, Step 1: reach a point of no Return Step 2: Fill in the details. Which is a blessing and a curse, but mainly a blessing cos, here we are, and I’m pretty bloody proud and grateful of where we got! This philosophy led me to open Manners Studio which is a big bright beautiful shop, like a real grown up professional looking shop! I walk in and still feel amazed by it which makes this decision even harder. And I know how much Barcelona needs a shop that really caters to women's bodies because it really doesn't exist here. But I can’t do it all! Which leads me to another bittersweet character trait of mine; that I believe I can do anything, (well, nearly anything- but that's a whole other email) but this one pushed me hard and my mental health has taken a real hit as a consequence.
This year I turn 40 and my kid is happy and what I really need is to focus my energy into myself, my kid, my creativity, my friends and Manners London, and so, that is what I have decided to do. I have decided that the beautiful labour of love, that is ‘manners studio’ will close its doors on the 1st October. Because trying is great and failing is fine, because trying and changing your mind is fine too.
I saw a cat we befriended on this campsite sneaking under a building, he vanished so quick before I could reach him, and it made me think of how fleeting it all fucking is and how if we dont chase our joy and work on it and cultivate it, it goes, and we forget what it feels like, and it takes us a long time to find our way back to it.
So, I’m closing the shop and off to chase the cat (metaphorically - or not lol) because I still keep missing the little things while I’m chasing the big ones and I don't want to do that shit any more. To everyone who came in and gave me hugs and bought things and helped I am truly deeply fucking grateful. And to all those who want to come, best get going! I have a few ideas brewing for how to create the connection that I hoped to build in the shop but without all the people management and accounting and scheduling. I want to say one door closes and another opens but I;m going to try and not open any more doors for a little minute (although I am already buzzing with ideas- obviously).
But for now excited to keep creating for you all.
Millions of love Always Sal x
I am writing this from a rainy campsite in Spain with two hungry teens and the end of a cold, and a rare overwhelming sense of pride in myself as a parent, for managing to play games with them and feed them and do a bit of work and have a little time to myself and not get grumpy or stressed. (this has taken a LOT of practice, but after nearly 15 years I feel like I'm getting it pretty right more often than not). (the crappy pic quality is because there is a teen burning bacon just out of the shot and I'm sitting in a smokehouse)
This year has been a big year (she says every year) but really, this one has! It’s the last year of my thirties, I opened a whole shop (with a lot of help), was diagnosed with ADHD, my kid got really happy and settled for the first time in his lifetime of moving a lot, and my first (and hopefully last) total burnout/breakdown of my life. A cumulative storm of joy and grief and sadness and a deep desire to do things differently occurred so here I am making a first step at trusting myself and showing up in ways that are based on softness and change not success and completion. As you may or may not know I opened the first (and maybe last) Manners Shop in February.
I am by nature a tryer of things, someone who is not scared of the doing, but historically a bit scared of admitting failure. All my plans go, Step 1: reach a point of no Return Step 2: Fill in the details. Which is a blessing and a curse, but mainly a blessing cos, here we are, and I’m pretty bloody proud and grateful of where we got! This philosophy led me to open Manners Studio which is a big bright beautiful shop, like a real grown up professional looking shop! I walk in and still feel amazed by it which makes this decision even harder. And I know how much Barcelona needs a shop that really caters to women's bodies because it really doesn't exist here. But I can’t do it all! Which leads me to another bittersweet character trait of mine; that I believe I can do anything, (well, nearly anything- but that's a whole other email) but this one pushed me hard and my mental health has taken a real hit as a consequence.
This year I turn 40 and my kid is happy and what I really need is to focus my energy into myself, my kid, my creativity, my friends and Manners London, and so, that is what I have decided to do. I have decided that the beautiful labour of love, that is ‘manners studio’ will close its doors on the 1st October. Because trying is great and failing is fine, because trying and changing your mind is fine too.
I saw a cat we befriended on this campsite sneaking under a building, he vanished so quick before I could reach him, and it made me think of how fleeting it all fucking is and how if we dont chase our joy and work on it and cultivate it, it goes, and we forget what it feels like, and it takes us a long time to find our way back to it.
So, I’m closing the shop and off to chase the cat (metaphorically - or not lol) because I still keep missing the little things while I’m chasing the big ones and I don't want to do that shit any more. To everyone who came in and gave me hugs and bought things and helped I am truly deeply fucking grateful. And to all those who want to come, best get going! I have a few ideas brewing for how to create the connection that I hoped to build in the shop but without all the people management and accounting and scheduling. I want to say one door closes and another opens but I;m going to try and not open any more doors for a little minute (although I am already buzzing with ideas- obviously).
But for now excited to keep creating for you all.
Millions of love Always Sal x
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