Bitter sweetness

This week my son goes back to school (another new school, but that's a whole other story)

I have done maybe 11 solo parent summer holidays in my son's lifetime. Spread over 3 countries and around 10 different houses and this one, which, at 3 months long, is by far both the longest one and the first one I have loved. 

I used to be filled with fear and dread every summer, juggling expensive childcare with the hustle, and many days picking him up exhausted from a club, after a long day on the market stall, more broke than if we'd both just stayed at home. 

But this year, is the first summer where I have not only felt more in control emotionally, and safer financially, but the most supported and loved I have ever felt. This summer, our first in Spain, I have found the most balance ever (still a work in progress) between work and play. And the boy have had so much simultaneous joy, something I never found before as a parent. 

This summer something truly shifted in our lives, my kid (who has always been painfully self-conscious)  danced for the first time with his friends last weekend when we went camping and has started to find joy in so many things. Our home feels harmonious and our lives lighter and happier than they have ever been. Tomorrow my kids starts another new school and I feel calm and trusting that everything is just as it should be, for him and for us. 

I have done maybe 11 solo parent summer holidays in my son's lifetime. Spread over 3 countries and around 10 different houses and this one,  is the first one where I have felt that we have landed. And damn it feels good.

I hope however your summer went, you had moments of calm and joy.

Love from a tired but happy Mum

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